It's officially at the point where it is all too much. And I begin to wonder if things are ever going to get better. It gets harder to continue with the happy whistling teapot ideation as the water gets higher and higher and hotter and hotter. I don't want to give up but the butter is spread too thin and the knife just keeps scraping and I find myself worn thinner and thinner. If I could just get through one issue before three more pop up.  I don't want anyone to talk to me right now.. anyone but him. I want peace and quiet. I want to be held and told everything is going to be okay, even when maybe it won't be. I want so many things I can't seem to make happen. And it's not like my wants are fueled out of greed and a sense of entitlement. I just don't want to struggle so hard to keep a float. And I don't want to be reminded that I am resilient and have been through worse. And I don't want to be told I can take it. And I don't care if I have and I can. I am sick of fighting.. and I can't give up. So I'm sort of stuck.. my mantra isn't making me feel better. Reality is becoming crushingly bad.. and I am just trying to put out fires before another one springs up. And everyone wants to talk about my plans for the future. I sort of need to get through the immediate issues before I can tell you what I will do next.  I am not in the mood to smile and say things will work out today.. I am not able to be anyone's rock. I just need to survive the day.. so maybe I can work on tomorrow.